The Boundary Between Mentoring and Grooming is . . . Strong Boundaries

One of the greatest challenges faced by youth organizations is being able to distinguish between positive mentoring and sexual grooming. It can be difficult to tell the difference, especially because good mentors always develop close relationships with the children they are guiding. Recent events in Winnipeg shed light on some classic boundary violations that can help organizations identify the difference.

A high school coach pled guilty to targeting teenagers who were both his students and athletes. He formed close relationships with the boys' families, gaining their trust to the point that administrators ignored or dismissed complaints about his inappropriate behavior. Many of the boys had already become accustomed to verbal and emotional abuse as part of McKay's "old school" coaching style, so it wasn't a big step when he began introducing sexual abuse. 

We often explain to our clients that the key distinction between positive mentoring and sexual grooming lies in healthy boundaries in the mentoring relationships. Groomers build such high levels of trust that organizations may downplay or overlook their boundary violations. Predators typically start with lesser boundary violations and then progressively escalate to more serious ones. Additionally, predators often target vulnerable individuals who may already be struggling due to family dysfunction, chaotic relationships, or prior trauma. 

Groomers also employ tactics to isolate their victims, either physically or emotionally. They may manipulate their victims by telling them that their parents don't understand them, creating a sense of dependency and further isolating them from their support systems. 

Recognizing these manipulative behaviors is essential in protecting young individuals from harm. Youth organizations need clearly-established boundaries for interactions between adults and children, and between minors in the program. Then we have to pay attention to boundary violations, even by people we like and trust. We also need to be alert to children in our care who may be vulnerable, providing them emotional support so that they don't feel that only one person in the organization understands them. Finally, we need to be aware when one of our staff tends to isolate vulnerable children from their support network.  All of these policies are essential to fully protecting the children in our care.